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I Miss You Sometimes

October 13, 2010
I miss you, bridge, city

Photo Courtesy of Andrew Enright

I miss you sometimes. Sometimes I lie in bed thinking of you, wondering where you’ve gone. I wonder if you are gone forever, and sometimes I wonder if you were ever really here, or if you were some myth I created in my mind. An illusion. Sometimes I feel you but a breath away, and then something happens and you disappear. I wonder if you’ll ever come back.

I miss you sometimes, when the house is still and I have nothing but my thoughts with which to contend. I miss you when I feel brief moments of happiness, but part of me pushes them away. My soul aches for you when I’m all alone, and uncertain of my future.

I miss you, the woman I used to be, the woman who used to really, truly believe in love. I miss you, the person who thought about children and mapped out forever in her mind. I miss you, the person who really thought “till death do us part” was possible – even in “sickness and in health.” These vows were doable, achievable, if both people worked at them and really loved one another. I miss the person that was willing to sacrifice herself for another person, simply because she loved and believed in them.

I miss you, the person who could forgive, the person who could love someone with every single piece of her and push away any and all doubts. I don’t romanticize who you were, you always had doubts. Doubts are part of your fabric, your DNA. But you found the strength to push them away, to trust. I miss you, courageous soul, who was ready to dedicate your life to one man – and really believed you had something special.

I even miss you, the narcissistic woman who looked down on many of your friend’s failed relationships, because you thought you had something special, different, better. I miss the person, to who a friend once said, “You are lucky. Most of us are just playing darts, hoping to hit something, anything. But you got lucky – you hit the bull’s eye the first time.” I long for the woman who actually believed that was possible, to hit the bull’s eye on the first throw. To be lucky enough to have found someone compatible enough, wonderful enough, to spend your life with – even if you met him when you were 18 and didn’t know any better.

I miss you when I doubt every relationship, every moment, every kiss. I miss you when I find myself looking for lies, for holes in every story. And then when I feel vindicated when I find them. Right, again. Why am I always right?

I miss you when I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, and then I remember how I felt with him. He knew me, through and through. I thought he loved me, no matter what, no matter the insecurities or flaws that were pervasive within me. I miss you when I can’t seem to be myself around someone new, because I’m not sure I know myself anymore.

I miss you when I’m scared that I’m not going to find anyone. I miss the woman who would say to me – of course you will find someone. You are special, and you will find someone who will love you in the way that you deserve. I miss the woman who really believed that a love that was strong enough to overcome almost everything was possible. That woman didn’t have hardly any role models to show her it was true, but she somehow believed she was going to be the exception. That he was going to be the exception – the man who wouldn’t let her down, no matter what.

I don’t miss you all the time, because I can see how at times you were naïve, and I can see clear as day the mistakes you made and the things you sacrificed to be that person. And it’s not lost on me all the things I’ve gained because I’ve lost you, so don’t think that I’m completely sad about where I am now. But I miss you because I can’t feel you anymore, and that lack of optimism is incredibly scary. I miss you because I know you existed, yet I don’t know how to find you again. Even worse, I’m scared I don’t want to find you quite enough to look. Because I’m comfortable now. The cynicism and the skepticism and the pessimism … all the isms feel like me now. That woman may be gone forever. 

I miss you in ways more than I miss him. I miss him for things, for experiences, for feelings, for years lost. I miss you because you were once a fundamental part of me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get you back. And that’s frightening, because I’ll never be the same. My relationships will never be the same. And I can’t decide if that’s a good or a bad thing.

**Readers, please note: This blog post has been sort of living in me for several months, and I don’t want you to think these feelings are specific to anyone I’m dating currently. These feelings are about everyone I’ve dated, no one I’ve dated and ultimately, the guy with which I’m going to spend my life. Whoever he is, wherever he is. This post is about where I am in the healing process.**


101 Comments leave one →
  1. ashley permalink
    October 13, 2010 9:21 am

    I couldn’t have said it any better. My best friend said to me the other day, “You’ve changed since moving back home”. It’s only been a few months and yet sometimes I feel like a completely different person.

    I keep saying that I can’t wait to feel like myself again, but this post made me realize that maybe I don’t feel like myself because that’s not who I am anymore, that was the old me. I thought the old me was pretty great and I was quite content with the life she was leading, but like you, I’ve come to see the flaws in that way of being. It couldn’t have been perfect or else I wouldn’t be where I am now.

    So maybe, just maybe, this new me is a better me. Maybe I have to stop hoping that I’ll start feeling like myself again and just accept that the person I am now is the new me and she’s not so bad.

    Thanks for putting into words something I’ve been struggling with.

    • October 15, 2010 1:27 pm

      Ashley, thanks so much for sharing your story. I know you know exactly how I feel, having been through something so similar. I feel like a completely different person sometimes, too. Many ways I like the new person – but sometimes it’s so foreign, I can’t decide if I like that person because I’m just not used to it yet. You know?

      I have to believe that we’ve both learned a lot of valuable lessons, so at least with that, we are bettered. I didn’t know the old you, but I think the new you is really great!

  2. October 13, 2010 9:28 am

    So beautiful, Catherine.

    My eyes welled up, because I have felt like this so many times when I look back at my dating past. Missing someone, and the person you were with them, is a dynamic feeling.

    I was just telling Gizzy the other day that when I was with the disgusting trashy cheating bastard ex, I pictured us getting married, at the reception, then moving into an old house, and fixing him dinner and a drink after work, while our kids ran around waiting for dinner.

    Those memories are torture now, and I can’t picture myself even getting married.

    I think many readers are going to resonate with this. Thank you!

    -Lucky

    • October 15, 2010 1:39 pm

      Thank you, Lucky.

      It’s hard to get rid of these pictures from your mind. Sometimes, I still think of having kids, of this father figure in my mind – and it’s still my ex fiancee. Obviously, he’s never going to be the father of my kids (barring a drunken hook up sans protection, Lord help me lol) so I have to start forcing that picture out of my mind. In fact, I’m just not focusing on the future in that way anymore – because agonizing over whether or not I’m going to get married and have kids isn’t getting me anywhere. I won’t know if it’s gonna happen for me – until it happens for me. You know?

    • behindthesecurtains permalink
      June 13, 2012 2:50 am

      It is indeed very beautiful. reminds me of the ‘pictures’ I had when I was falling for my best friend.
      But you are right, Cathy – agonizing over love is not going to get us anywhere. If it happens, it happens.

  3. October 13, 2010 10:16 am

    Oh Catherine, this is just breath-taking. I think it’s absolutely divine in its anguish. It’s my turn to thank YOU. It’s just so lovely and raw and sad.

    • October 15, 2010 1:41 pm

      Thank you Alexia! That’s high praise coming from you – I have such a strong reaction to all of your writing. Thanks for your comment.

    • Andrew permalink
      January 3, 2011 3:15 am

      I couldn’t have said it any better, really good eye-opening read.

  4. October 13, 2010 10:31 am

    First of all, thank you for sharing.

    Now for the advice in the form of probing questions:

    If you’re always right, and you always find what you are looking for, then why not look for something better than the lies and the holes in every story? Why not look for the truth and the beauty and the love in everything? (I think you’ll find it.)

    “cynicism and the skepticism and the pessimism” “‘-ism’ kind of sounds like ‘prison’ to me. To a certain extent I think you can be whomever you want to be — so, who do you want to be?

    Crystal
    http://www.crystalspins.com

    • October 15, 2010 1:43 pm

      Thanks, Crystal.
      I should start looking for good – for “truth and beauty and love” as you say. That’s part of me being such a pessimist these days.
      As far as a prison, I know what you mean. But actually, lately, it’s sort of feels OK, for now anyway. You know? I don’t think that I can be this way forever, but for right now, it’s oddly comforting. Ultimately, though, I don’t want to be that person. I want to believe in love again. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to jump on the path to get there. It’s like knowing you need to go on a diet – but just not being ready. You know?

  5. Just Saying permalink
    October 13, 2010 11:30 am

    Beautifully written.

    AS Alexia said – “so lovely and raw and sad”, I think we can all relate.

    Just Saying.

  6. October 13, 2010 11:46 am

    You have an incredibly poetic writing style. I like it mucho much! I’ve been putting off reading your blog because I’ve been so busy with things in the real world. I found you a few weeks ago in the press of wordpress. I thought it’d be good and more diverse to look at blogs that focus on break ups too. Now that I’ve read you, I feel like I made the right choice to save you and read you when I had the chance.

    P.S. I was wondering if I could ask you a favor that should only take about 6 seconds.

    My friend’s are in a contest to win band of the month in San Francisco and they need people to vote for Commissure on a website called, http://sf.thedelimagazine.com/snacks

    Go to: http://sf.thedelimagazine.com/snacks
    Vote: Commissure

    It honestly takes like 6 seconds to vote. The contest ends October 15. Every vote helps. Thanks, you’re awesome!

    Their website is: myspace.com/commissure

    It’s okay if you don’t vote for them, I totally understand. It’d be really cool if you did though.

    • October 15, 2010 1:49 pm

      Hi Bricona,
      Thanks so much for your comment. And I just voted! Best of luck to you.

      I appreciate your reading and I’m glad you are enjoying my writing. Sometimes it’s hard to put this level of emotion out there – so I can’t tell you what it means to me that people are reading and enjoying.

  7. October 13, 2010 11:51 am

    I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now and I enjoy it so much. I find myself looking forward to what is going to happen next. The entry today was amazing and privately very timely for me. I feel the exact same way and I am astounded at how perfectly you put into words what happens after the loss of a relationship. I am recently divorced and I find myself not believing in the possibility of a successful relationship. It is very sad to feel the loss of all that hope and optimism. It is almost unbearable to look around and discover that most relationships are more than likely not the ones that forever are made of.

    My mom was telling me last weekend that she is so worried that I will always be alone and she can’t bear the thought of me not finding happiness again. What I struggle with so much now is the idea (or propoganda) that you have to be married, have children, etc to be happy. Isn’t it possible to be happy without those things?

    • October 13, 2010 10:18 pm

      Cortney –

      Thank you so much for reading (and for commenting, it’s so nice to hear from you). I’m happy that this resonated with you and I was able to put some of your thoughts in words. I’m sorry to hear about your divorce. Actually, I don’t know the situation exactly, so I don’t know if sorry is the right word, so I will say that I’m sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. I hear you completely about realizing that most relationships fail and having hardly any optimism left when you go into a new relationship.

      I can’t imagine hearing that from your mom was fun. My mom is incredibly supportive and tells me it’s all going to be OK. I think we all sort of need our moms to do that for us. I don’t think I need to be married or have a love in my life to be happy – I will find a way to be happy without a man. I may be less happy, but I will be happy. And that’s better than being miserable, right? I believe it MUST be possible to be happy without being married and having children. Or else that’s just too damn depressing (and this post was too depressing as it is. LOL).

  8. Nancy permalink
    October 13, 2010 11:57 am

    What a great post. But you will find her again, when you least expect it. Sometime in the future, you will see a man in front of you, and suddenly you will feel her hand on your back, pushing you lovingly forward, giving you the courage to take a chance one more time. Because SHE will know that this is the right one, that he will be worth taking all those risks for. Will she be as naive as before? No way. But she WILL be there, and you will welcome her with open arms as you move forward together.

    • October 13, 2010 3:46 pm

      I agree. This is what will help you stay an optimist, even after you’ve had your heart broken many times.

      • October 15, 2010 1:50 pm

        Thanks, Beatta Noelle. I’m trying to keep this in mind 🙂

    • October 13, 2010 10:07 pm

      Thanks, Nancy. “Suddenly you will feel her hand on your back, pushing you lovingly forward, giving you the courage to take a chance one more time.” That’s beautiful, you should write a blog :). I hope you are right!!

  9. October 13, 2010 12:37 pm

    A beautiful, heartfelt and honest post. It’s hard when you feel like you’ve had to let go of an important part of yourself. But maybe you haven’t really let go–maybe you’ve just revised those pieces a bit. I think we all eventually have to reshape ourselves to fit our experiences. And in the end, all of those pieces come together again to form a new, more beautiful, but more complex puzzle.

    Good luck. Not an easy journey, but definitely one that is worth it.

    • October 13, 2010 10:05 pm

      Maura (36×37) Thanks for your kind words, as always. I appreciate your thoughts. It is nice to think of it as a puzzle, and the result is certainly more complex (with a little more baggage, haha), but hopefully it’s a more beautiful puzzle over all. I like that way of thinking of it.

      I never cease to be amazed – you guys always offer me such great thoughts and insights. It’s really opening my mind to different perspectives on love/life and different ways of looking at things. You guys are amazing!

  10. Cinderelle permalink
    October 13, 2010 1:33 pm

    I hope you will discover in yourself again that little girl who still believes in fairy tales and rainbow happy endings, when you meet your Mr. Right. Right now you possibly don´t even accept that sole concept of Mr. Big/Prince Charming, but you may change your mind when you find him. Or better when he finds you. Sometimes we just need to jump, hoping to fly instead of falling down with broken wings and broken heart. Good luck, Catherine and thanks for the inspiring post.

    • October 13, 2010 9:59 pm

      Cinderelle: Thank you for your comment. I like the “when he finds you.” That’s really touching.

  11. October 13, 2010 3:00 pm

    This is amazing. Feels like we’ve been allowed a rare glimpse into your very heart and soul. Started out thinking you were referring to one thing, only to find you meant something else entirely.

    I think anybody who has been through a breakup of this magnitude also misses certain things about themselves – if nothing else, the loss of innocence. But you know what? In my case at least, if it had never happened, then I’d miss the person I have since become.

    If that were possible, anyway.

    Thank you for sharing.

    • October 13, 2010 9:57 pm

      Aww, thank you very much. That’s a nice way of putting it – a loss of innocence. It certainly does feel that way sometimes. I agree, there would be so many things that I would miss about my current self … so it’s definitely not all bad. Thanks for your comment!

  12. October 13, 2010 3:45 pm

    I have to stop reading your posts when I’m at work. Too many emotions come up.

    So funny when you look at where you are now, and where you used to be. Six years ago, I still believed in that rosy fairytale ideal of love where you feel things passionately and without reservation. That kind of love doesn’t have any logic, doesn’t prepare for the worst, doesn’t have any protective barriers.

    Six years later, I guess I still believe in happily-ever-after. Or at least I want to. Somehow, it’s still possible to imagine, and even plan for a future together. But after you’ve been around the block a few times, you just have to be practical. I’d say I’m still an optimist- just sans those rose-colored glasses. It’s a sad part of growing up and losing your innocence.

    Part of me misses that naive, open, loving girl too, because I wonder if I’ll ever be able to love with the same abandon again, or if I’ll always avoid any semblance of vulnerability.

    • October 13, 2010 7:57 pm

      LOL – I’m sorry to disturb you at work!! Hopefully I balance out some of these dramatic with slightly humorous ones :).

      That rosy fairytale love you describe … maybe I’ve watched one too many romantic movies, but I really want to feel that again. But I see how it’s probably not realistic.

      I’m glad that you are still an optimist – I think I fall to the side of pessimism. But that’s in all things in life, not just love. I’ve always been a little bit of a Debbie Downer – only I try to pull it off in a fun, sarcastic way. But on the up side, when the breakup happened, I was indescribably sad. Since then, many things don’t get to me the way they used to. Because now I know what real sadness is, real heartache, and the little things that used to feel like such a big deal don’t faze me that much. So I guess that’s a good thing.

      I hope we both meet someone with which we can fall in love … and fall in love with reckless abandon.

  13. Matt permalink
    October 13, 2010 4:44 pm

    Beautifully written post. For what it’s worth, I think that you still have those qualities inside you – you’ve been hurt and you’re still in the healing process, but you don’t come across as jaded or cynical or anything like that. Your blog is full of zest and energy for life and I think that you’ll have wonderful times ahead.

    • October 13, 2010 7:49 pm

      Thanks, Matt. That’s nice of you to say that I don’t seem jaded or cynical. Sometimes I really feel that way. I’m happy the blog isn’t coming off that way (every day anyway!). I really miss your blog, btw…

      • Matt permalink
        October 14, 2010 5:08 pm

        Thank you, that’s nice of you to say too – it’ll be gone a while longer but hopefully will return at some point.

  14. October 13, 2010 7:12 pm

    I remember feeling this. It’s hard to trust people after something like that happens. But don’t worry, you will. =)

  15. October 13, 2010 9:05 pm

    I agree with everyone else, it is an amazing post. There is a time for everything… a season too. All things in good time. More cliches to follow.

    • October 15, 2010 1:53 pm

      Tom Baker: Keep the cliches coming :). They also sound a little like fortunes in a fortune cookie.. lol. Thanks for your kinds words and comment!

  16. October 14, 2010 12:42 am

    First of all, this was beautifully written. But just from my own experiences, it IS possible to be happy again. It’s possible to have all of that optimism restored, to feel all of those feelings again.

    I feel that the first step in getting there, though, is making a choice to love yourself most. Just from the little bit I’ve read of your blog so far, it seems you are doing well at this. Honestly, once you’re happy just being YOU and you REALLY love yourself for who you are — you will be happy. And when you least expect it, you will meet the right person who will restore all of that hope and your belief in love and even marriage.

    The only reason I’m so sure of this is because I’ve been there. I’ve been at the point where I thought there was no way I’d ever be happy. If I couldn’t be with him, I didn’t want to be with anybody. If he didn’t love me, I didn’t love me either, and surely no one else would. I chose to dwell and blame myself and question things WAY too often… until one day, out of nowhere, I just changed it. I just made a choice to live my life for ME, be happy, love myself, and that someone else would fit into it when the right time came along. And it did. It was about 2 years later, but it happened.

    So… I’m just one person but I think it’s true. 🙂

    • October 15, 2010 1:57 pm

      Thank you, Danielle. You are right, loving yourself is so important. I do well with this some days, but I admit not all. So I’m a work in progress. I’m so happy to hear your story – that you’ve been through this and come out on the other side, so thanks for sharing. I feel very fortunate in that the end of my relationship, I know my ex loved me. And I know I loved him very much. And I do believe that someone will love me again, sometimes I just wonder if it will be the same. Or if I am even capable of loving someone that much again. You know? But your story is very helpful to hear at this time, so thank you 🙂

  17. Dawn permalink
    October 14, 2010 7:06 am

    Awe that was very emo, sad face, love you girlie!

  18. October 14, 2010 9:31 am

    Yet another beautiful piece, Catherine.

    To relate, at times I liked to pretend that I was the strong, independent woman who wouldn’t be phased by break-ups. I would repeatedly think to myself, “It’s HIS loss, HIS loss.”

    But you have taken a better, and bigger step. You have kept this whole situation about you. Not once have you released details of what this guy (I will refrain from calling him names, as you so kindly have) did to you. In this post, when speaking of whom you miss, it’s isn’t him. It’s you. What a beautiful kind of therapy. I find comfort in your ability to really assess yourself in the situation, and not hide behind fake confidence. (As I always did. I would tell myself I was F-I-N-E, even when I really was not…)

    This is the right path. This is how you will continue to grow, and someday move on. It is important to remember who you once were; someday you will look back on this and think, “I may have been a different person, but I made it through that.. I can make it through anything.” And you will.

    Let it hurt, sometimes it’s then that you find just how strong you really are. We are all hear for you, your readers love you!

    • October 15, 2010 2:11 pm

      Thanks, Brittany. I know EXACTLY what you mean about saying, almost like a mantra, that it’s his loss. But at the end of the day, you feel the loss too and it’s still incredibly hard.

      And you are right- I do feel like this blog is therapy. Cheap therapy at that! It takes a lot of time, but I can’t tell you how much writing these feelings out has helped me. And everyone’s comments are amazing – you all offer such different perspectives and stories. I feel very fortunate.

      I do feel you on “I made it through that… I can make it through anything.” I think that a lot lately. Stuff that used to really get me down hardly faze me anymore. There is much less of a reason to sweat the small stuff. I like reminding myself that I’m resiliant.

      Thanks so much for your thoughts and kind words! Means so much to me!

  19. October 14, 2010 1:43 pm

    So beautifully written. Lovely post!

  20. October 15, 2010 5:52 am

    This was so deep, it choked me up a bit. It’s totally normal to miss the person you were, but who you are today isn’t who you’ll be forever. You’re always growing. You are a great person and you will be ok. Stay strong, keep writing x

    • October 15, 2010 2:13 pm

      Thank you so much … I will definitely keep writing. I hope to keep growing … can’t be this emo forever. And making people choke up at work. LOL 🙂 Thanks for reading and commenting.

  21. October 15, 2010 7:59 am

    Another beautiful exposition; thank you for sharing Catherine!
    I think you will find that the old you is still there but has herself moved on.

    Our underlying nature never changes; however, our character does in response to our experience, and what we make of it, in life’s journey, as we grow, as we evolve, like a skin.

    The danger is that in reaction, in hurt, out of fear, we compartmentalise, hide away different aspects of our selves, because it is just too painful to admit that they are a part of us and our own unique journey.

    The ‘trick’ is to ensure that we reach out, open up and process our emotions sufficiently, ensure that our personality and character, past and present realities are integrated, reflecting all that we are.

    I think you are well on your way to achieving this!

    Axx

    • October 15, 2010 2:18 pm

      Thanks, Axx. I always have to read your comments a few times to make sure they really sink in. You say so much with so few words, you know?

      You say:
      The ‘trick’ is to ensure that we reach out, open up and process our emotions sufficiently, ensure that our personality and character, past and present realities are integrated, reflecting all that we are.

      And it almost sounds easy. I think this is the one of the hardest part of the experience. Sometimes I wonder if I’m processing my emotions correctly, or if I’d done a bandaid approach at different times in the process. Ie: keeping myself really busy, throwing myself into the dating world. But sometimes, I feel like I am “well on my way” as you said. I feel a million times better than I did six months ago. But I go back and forth. I just hope that this experience does not make me an over cynical person at the end of the day.

      Thanks, as always, for your wise words 🙂

  22. October 16, 2010 9:24 am

    .. it does sound easy, and it can be, when the ‘trick’ becomes a habit, which comes with practice and time.

    The ‘trick’ of processing is primarily about being brave enough to recognise and acknowledge what we are experiencing, and being honest with ourselves about our own part in events and their impact on us.

    It requires a lot of (continued) bravery, as it means constantly facing up to anything that is painful (avoiding denial), when it happens (or as soon as possible), which we are wired not to do.

    It also needs time and space, which we rarely afford ourselves. We live at a relentless pace, with ever more input from an increasing number of sources. Whilst intellectually we may be capable of coping, emotionally we are not. Our intellectual activity crowds out our emotional processing. Emotions take time and perspective to recognise, to come to terms with and if we don’t make time along the way inevitably a backlog builds up, things get forgot, compartmentalised, take root, and become that much harder to integrate.

    Emotional processing ensures that we integrate and learn from our experinces, and do not allow them to eat away or inhibit us, which makes us feel whole and healthy, which makes us better able to take advantage of new opportunities.

    Axx

    What it doesn’t

  23. October 16, 2010 11:26 pm

    I love this. One of the best things I’ve ever read. This is me! I need to bookmark this.

  24. Chad permalink
    October 18, 2010 11:05 am

    Beautiful words my friend. You keep getting better. This post reminds me of a recent convo i had with a friend about my age. We were listening to Lucero and they have several songs that center on pain and heartbreak. They are wonderful songwriters and really took me back to heartbreaks of my past that seemed totally overwhelming emotionally. well, my friend and i were impressed by the emotion conveyed in the songs and we talked about how that at our age we’d probably never feel that kinda heartbreak again. they’re a rock/country/indie hybrid band with lots of ballads. “It Gets the Worst at Night” was one in particular if you’re interested. you can listen at their site. Sorry to fill your blog with so much of my info and experiences.

  25. Jessica permalink
    October 22, 2010 10:23 pm

    This really spoke to me. I felt your words reverbate within my core. Thank you. You are really a beautiful person.

    • October 25, 2010 11:06 pm

      Jessica: Wow, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  26. BeneathTheSpinLight permalink
    November 1, 2010 2:01 am

    This post was so raw and beautiful. Sometimes it’s good to know that you’re not the only person feeling this way. Thank you. ❤

    • November 1, 2010 3:58 am

      Beneath: Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate your reading and commenting 🙂

  27. Kendra permalink
    July 9, 2011 7:37 am

    I was in the car with my roommate last night and she can always tell when sad, unwanted thoughts cross my mind. This time is was “I miss the person I was two years ago.” I just got out of my first relationship, and being 21 most would think it wouldn’t be as disabling.

    I found this entry just an hour or so after saying it, and it was so comforting. I feel shame more than anything for getting so caught up in this relationship that I sacrificed my needs and characteristics that are central to who I am.

    Thank you Catherine for this blog. I found it hours after he ended it, and I think your entries are a significant source of comfort for many people, myself included.

    • July 11, 2011 8:02 pm

      Hi Kendra,
      Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I’m glad you found this post comforting. Of all the things I’ve written on the blog, this is one of my absolute favorite posts (which sounds tacky to like your own stuff, but damn it, I like this post. LOL). It’s so true to how I was feeling then, and frankly, how I’m still feeling. I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. Please don’t feel any shame for the way you feel or the way you got caught up in the relationship – it can easily happen to all of us, young or old. In fact, I think it happens to most of us at some point in our lives, and we just have to learn from it. The good news is you learned your lesson young – and hopefully you will be better prepared in the future. You will find someone with who you won’t have to sacrifice your needs or yourself. We both will. Thanks for reading and take care of yourself. I know it’s hard, and it may be hard to believe at times, but it does get better.

  28. July 15, 2011 6:16 am

    Definitely identify with this, thanks for linking it for me! x

  29. Hannah Jumper permalink
    November 15, 2011 1:40 am

    I have never heard any one so articulately describe all the feelings I have been feeling since my break up. Thank you so much for making me feel less alone.

    • November 17, 2011 8:30 pm

      Hannah,
      Glad you enjoyed this. I’m sorry to hear about your breakup – hope you are doing well. Take care of yourself.

  30. November 26, 2011 10:16 am

    Long story short: I’m a romanian and he’s an american, we ‘fell’ in love some time ago, after a lot of struggles, I got to finally get the visa and go see him, spent a month together [the best month of my entire life] and had to return to my home country. Out of a sudden, he started cutting the strings til we stopped talking. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever see him. I perfectly understand what you’re going through, maybe too much.. I created this blog and started storming out feelings, hoping this would make me feel better.. still working on it, still struggling..

    • November 26, 2011 8:40 pm

      I’m sorry to hear about all that’s going on, L. I hope you find your blog as much of a positive outlet as I find mine. It really help me get through a tough time. Take care of yourself 🙂

  31. February 4, 2012 2:42 am

    Reblogged this on the lioness’ den.

  32. parashartales permalink
    February 23, 2012 8:32 am

    ‘break-ups’ i oftentimes find difficult to define this word because there is nothing broken in that… you still find that person in every tit and bit of your life, the frustration and the melancholy makes that person even more present around you than physically…..i cried hard after reading your post and I am sure most of us must have…take care stay blessed

  33. March 13, 2012 9:00 pm

    I’ve never had a great role model for relationships but I always religiously believed that at some point I would find mr right, get married have kids, retire to some southern corner of the world and be happy with my life. But as time has dragged on and the number of failed relationships has mounted I came to the daunting realisation that I may never have that perfect family life; there is no guarntee that I will ever have kids or get married. When I was born I did not sign a contract that ensured my happiness with the opposite sex, or the amount of rubbish I would have to endure. It is scary reaching such a conclusion and you become quite hardened and pessimistic about any new flicker or spark of interest. Your blog post really summed up how I feel sometimes and constantly I almost feel Ive been lied to, that at a young age i was promised by tv, films, books and even parents that one day someone would love me for who I am, regardless of what I did, said, looked like or believed in and I would have my happy ending. But reality isnt like that and sometimes we have to face the truth that perhaps God didnt get around to making our soul mate. Thank you for such a great blog post.

  34. March 13, 2012 9:02 pm

    Reblogged this on dollytobrolly and commented:
    relationships but I always religiously believed that at some point I would find mr right, get married have kids, retire to some southern corner of the world and be happy with my life. But as time has dragged on and the number of failed relationships has mounted I came to the daunting realisation that I may never have that perfect family life; there is no guarntee that I will ever have kids or get married. When I was born I did not sign a contract that ensured my happiness with the opposite sex, or the amount of rubbish I would have to endure. It is scary reaching such a conclusion and you become quite hardened and pessimistic about any new flicker or spark of interest. This blog post really summed up how I feel sometimes and constantly I almost feel Ive been lied to, that at a young age i was promised by tv, films, books and even parents that one day someone would love me for who I am, regardless of what I did, said, looked like or believed in and I would have my happy ending. But reality isnt like that and sometimes we have to face the truth that perhaps God didnt get around to making our soul mate.

  35. rachel permalink
    April 15, 2012 9:57 am

    I found this today and it rings so true for me. im going to.put it on my fridge. cos thats where i am right now. (not in the fridge)lol

    • April 25, 2012 10:13 pm

      Hi Rachel,
      Glad you enjoyed it! I’ve never been on someone’s fridge… I hope you did it just so I could say I have been 🙂

  36. April 19, 2012 2:07 pm

    Beautiful…absolutely beautiful…

  37. Loulou permalink
    April 22, 2012 9:11 am

    Catherine, this is spot on. I’ve just come out of a long term, long distance relationship. It’s only been 6 weeks, and I couldn’t put my finger on who I was missing more, me or him. After reading this I know it’s me I’ve been missing all along.

    • April 25, 2012 9:39 pm

      Loulou,
      Glad this resonated with you. And for me, it’s helpful to know I’m not alone!

  38. Alma permalink
    May 8, 2012 1:20 am

    I just have to say that I was crying non stop as i read this, i felt as if you where in my head, i just got out of a very messed up year long relationship and this just touched me, and somehow helps me. You are an amazing writer.

  39. Shannon permalink
    June 1, 2012 7:40 am

    I love this. You are wonderful.

  40. Takeya permalink
    June 15, 2012 11:11 am

    Catherine!

    This is exactly how I feel. I can’t tell you how comforting it is to know that I’m not the only person who has those feelings =]

  41. June 23, 2012 6:02 pm

    Reblogged this on Aggiegrl's Workout Blog and commented:
    This was amazing. She described it perfectly. Just went through this about 2 months ago…and this is what I thought. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I took up indoor rock climbing and half-marathon training. Now when I look back at my time, I did this for me. I still run and climb…and I do it with a smile on my face. 🙂 My added hobbies have made me a more balanced and kick ass person! 🙂

  42. Julie permalink
    August 22, 2012 7:08 pm

    I just randomly came across this. One of the most beautiful pieces of writing I have read, you write beautifully. Like someone has spoken for me.

  43. GeeGee permalink
    September 20, 2012 12:56 pm

    I came across your blog two weeks ago and added to my favourites. Today I started reading carefully and the words you wrote about missing someone are the precise description of how I feel now.. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope I will heal one day. This has been only 2 weeks since the break up and 4 months since things were pretty rough. Thank you again! You are a star for writing your story.

    • September 30, 2012 12:39 pm

      Thank you, Gee Gee. I hope you feel better soon – it’s going to be OK. It just does take time (of course, the one thing you can’t control). Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog, it means a lot to me.

  44. October 22, 2012 5:55 pm

    Feel a little embarrassed to admit this brought tears to my eyes… felt like it was written for me. Probably your best post Catherine. 🙂

  45. November 14, 2012 4:46 pm

    This is very well-written. Kudos to you for your willingness to be vulnerable, people need that! 🙂

  46. Shelly permalink
    January 15, 2013 5:34 pm

    This is so me. But, I am enjoying discovery the new me.. the incredible me.

  47. blossom1193 permalink
    January 22, 2013 5:47 pm

    Reblogged this on .

  48. Rob permalink
    March 8, 2013 8:05 pm

    Thank you for this site, I am going through the worst break up of my life and when I feel strong enough I read your page. I feel so disillusioned about love right now.

  49. April 29, 2013 1:13 am

    I loved this post- guess I am late in the day for commenting on this, but found this when I was trying to find some support. And I agree, what hurts and scares most is that lack of optimism you suddenly are left with- and the fact that you think you can never ever find love or trust someone. I am trying to heal, but sometimes find the energy missing completely- your post reassures me that there are people out there who were hurt like me, but still have faith. Thanks for writing this so beautifully!

  50. sweetness permalink
    July 5, 2013 9:47 pm

    wow, this post hit the bulls eye. thanks for sharing. you have put everything i’m feeling right now into words. its awesome to know i’m not the only person that feels this way

  51. Niyati Melody permalink
    April 23, 2014 2:29 am

    This is exactly me…or was me. Its like you’ve posted my mind on here!After being cheated on and broken up with after 4 years of intense love, I wish I could go back to being her, but it doesn’t look likely.And its probably not wise either!Your blog and posts have been very therapeutic and have given me great comfort. Thanks so much Catherine. Much love.

  52. Roxanne permalink
    June 4, 2014 9:57 am

    I recently went through a break up after being together for 3 years. I met him when I was just 18, and I used to be naive as Well. Wondering how I got so lucky my first time around. I was young, and he was my world. Being a fairly recent breakup, your blog has helped me tremendously. It’s good to know there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel!

  53. Nichole obrien permalink
    July 4, 2014 1:02 pm

    So glad I found this blog. I feel like you took everything I’m feeling right now out of my body and put it into words for me.

    My ex fiancé of 13yrs cheated on me and left me for her. A girl I used to call friend. It’s been 2 weeks since my world came crashing down. I have so many emotions running through me and don’t know which way I’m going each day. I learned yesterday that he has gotten a place for them and they are living as a happy little family. She has 2 kids. I feel like she is now living the life we had planned out for us. We were planning our wedding and try to have a baby and now he has the family we’ve always wanted. It feels like such a slap in the face… I never thought my life with him would end so sudden and out of the blue. I don’t hate him and am happy he can be happy. I’m just angry at how he caused the end of us. If he wasn’t happy he could have talked to me about it and we could have ended things with no regrets. But he decided he couldn’t be the one who said it was over… He was a coward and had to do something so hurtful to cause me to be the one to end it. He has left me with deep wounds that I hope one day heals. I miss the man I loved so much but I know he is now my past… I have to erase the life I pictured for my future with him. I wonder sometimes if he regrets the 13yrs we spent together… I think of the years and love the memories we made. He was my best friend and my first true love. I was 19 when we meet and now In my 30s I have spent my whole adult life with this man. He was my rock, my heart, my world. I will have to learn to be one my own now but maybe that’s what God wanted me to find… find myself.

    Anyways thanks for this blog. And sorry for the long ranting lol. I couldn’t stop my fingers.

  54. July 31, 2015 8:01 pm

    Reblogged this on leftnook and commented:
    oh god yes

  55. Sara permalink
    October 16, 2015 6:05 am

    I just found your blog tonight after the ex texted me saying he missed me.

    I broke up with him four months ago and I was doing so much better with the no contact, but then he texts me every couple of weeks asking me how i’m doing, telling me he didn’t realize what he had, etc. He was my first everything and I gave it all to him and I sadly realized (or moreso, came to terms with) the man he was once I was already in too deep. I naively thought him and I could be different than all the others, I thought maybe I finally found someone I wanted who wanted me back, and after he lied, nothing was ever the same. It was broken and I feel like after I ended it, a part of me – the old me – stayed behind. It’s as if I have to learn myself all over again because I put everything I knew into us. So, I just want to say thank you for writing this. I was feeling so messed up and confused and your writing brought tears to my eyes because what you wrote is so true. Feeling like you’re all alone in the world can be absolutely crushing and with this blog post, you made me realize that I’m not crazy for thinking so much, for feeling so much, and for missing things I didn’t even know I could. Much love and keep keeping on 🙂

  56. Maggie permalink
    December 13, 2015 10:45 pm

    This is beautiful.

Trackbacks

  1. 10 Things I Learned in 2010 « Simply Solo: Single girl starting over – follow the journey
  2. Catherine’s Dating Resume « Simply Solo: Single girl starting over – follow the journey
  3. Peanut Story « Simply Solo: Single girl starting over – follow the journey
  4. My Ex is Getting Married « Simply Solo: Single girl starting over – follow the journey
  5. Be Perfect « Simply Solo: Single girl starting over – follow the journey
  6. Living Proof | Simply Solo: Single girl starting over - follow the journey
  7. “Simply Solo” a blog written by Catherine Gryp

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