“I Have a New Girl” – My Personal Wakeup Call
Happy February! I know, I know, you don’t hear from me much these days. I’m so sorry about that! I miss you guys, but I’ve just been too busy with work to keep up with Simply Solo. Please know that things are going great and I’m super happy! Anyway, when I can, I like to share guest posts that I think you’ll enjoy. To that end, today’s post is written by Cassie Callahan, a freelance writer who is passionate about the topics of dating and relationships and writes for the Ex Recovery System.
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“I Have a New Girl” – My Personal Wakeup Call
I never considered love and relationship as priorities. In fact, I prided myself in not being “one of those girls.” You know, the ones who are so romantically involved with their boyfriends, it’s almost like they have tunnel vision. Then they cry and are miserable when it’s over, and of course I’m there to support them, ‘coz that’s what friends do. And though I won’t say it out loud, I’m thinking, “About time you got rid of that jerk.”
I was the girl with this invisible force field around her. But love finds a way and when it hits, it hits hard. At least it hit me hard.
It started out perfectly, as it should. He was perfect, as he should be. Now the honeymoon period usually lasts for six months. Ours lasted about a month and a half. He started to distance himself, but I thought that was normal. I let him be, but I wanted to be assured that he was still there. I would call him, I would text him, and I couldn’t help but think that I was starting to act like a clingy girlfriend.
“There’s something about him that I don’t like. I think he’s going to hurt you.”
That was the opinion of one of my closest friends (let’s call her Sandy). She said she didn’t like my boyfriend because she could sense that he was not right for me. It’s amazing how your friends can see things that you can’t. But that’s what friends do and that’s what I did when it came to their relationships. And like a good friend, I listened to her, but I didn’t believe her. I should have known better.
Eight months of heartache, of wondering if he’s going to call me, of listening to him criticize me, of knowing that it’s time to let go, but damn it, I’m hooked! I became my own worst nightmare – the clingy girlfriend who couldn’t let go and couldn’t survive without her boyfriend. He wanted to break up, but I couldn’t! It’s like he became my lifeline and no matter how bad treated me, I couldn’t let him go. I didn’t want to let him walk away and leave me behind.
I felt helpless, hopeless, and disgusted with myself. I’m an adult, damn it! But love does hit hard. Funny thing is, breakups hit harder.
“I have a new girl.”
He texted me those very words after I finally asked him why he was being like this. What had changed? Well, I got my answer. It was 5:35 am on a Friday and I became wide awake. I didn’t feel angry, or hurt, or betrayed. I was in shock and before I knew it, my fingers started moving. I deleted his number from my phone. I couldn’t do it before when I was too busy holding on to him. But I guess the words “I have a new girl” have that effect on me.
I met Sandy at our business, our own little Internet café. She immediately knew something was up, but I told her I was just tired. When our shop closed for the night, I broke down. The numbness was gone and there was just pain. I couldn’t help but think, “Why the hell do people keep falling in love when this is what could await them?” My friends were right, I should have just let go. I kept thinking it was my fault, I did this to myself. If I wasn’t such an idiot and just agreed to break up with him, I wouldn’t be this crying, sniffling mess.
Sandy told me I was going to be okay. I didn’t believe her. But again she was right. But it took so long, I don’t know how those characters in the movies did it. But breakups can’t be solved with ice cream and chocolate. The pain doesn’t go away in 3 weeks, then you find someone else. Sometimes, it takes longer.
In my case, it took me nearly 2 years. But I realized something about myself. I’m a lot stronger that I thought. I held on for dear life, I crashed and burned, but I survived the breakup.
It’s nearly impossible to let go of someone you love. He may not be the one for you, he may treat you badly, but still you’re one of those girls with tunnel vision. I saw him in a different light, I thought the relationship wasn’t that bad. But like they say, love is blind. I couldn’t see what others saw and so I held on.
I guess all I needed was a wake up. “I have a new girl” was like a punch in the gut. It woke me up from the illusion that what I had was worth it. And now the tunnel vision is gone. He’s not my world anymore. Lesson learned: we all have to wake up sometime.
What about you? What was your wake up call from a relationship? How do you know when it’s time to let go?
Copyright 2013. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.