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July 10

July 10, 2010

Oh, hello there. Nice of you to stop by. As you probably know, today was supposed to be my wedding day. You should be ashamed if you came here to see my emotional breakdown – kind of like a car wreck that you just have to look at when you drive by. And, if those were your intentions, you are in luck. Let the fun begin.

I can’t put into words how hard these past few months have been, and they all led up to this day. My wedding was going to be friggin’ amazing. I was so in love and unbelievably excited to spend the rest of my life with the person I’d spent seven happy years with. I had my dream dress, my dream location, the colors I’d dreamt of since I was a little girl, everything was pretty darned close to perfect. But obviously, something was sorely missing, and we cancelled the wedding. Immediately after the breakup, I went to talk with a counselor because I just needed to hear an outsider’s perspective. He said something to me on that day that has stuck with me through this entire journey. When telling him how sad I was (and frankly, embarrassed) to be cancelling the wedding, he said: “It’s kind of like you want to buy a new car. You’ve shopped online, watched tons of car commercials, read all the reviews and you just can’t wait to get the new car. You even know what color it’s going to be. But then you find out the car doesn’t have an engine. Do you still want to buy the car?” Obviously not. And my wedding, my relationship, didn’t have an engine.

Going through this has really helped me put some perspective into my life and my relationships (all of them, not just romantic). I’ve learned who my real friends are, and people came through for me in ways that I could never have imagined. My support system of friends and family are more amazing than I can put into words. And you, blog readers (those of you who comment and those of you who are just lurking), have helped me too. It’s nice to have a voice and place to share what I’ve been going through, so thanks for coming here week after week.

My counselor suggests that instead of looking at today as a sad day – as the end of something, the death of my relationship and what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life – to look at today as a celebration. A celebration that I didn’t make the wrong decision and go through with the wedding. A celebration that I have a chance to start over, to be a better person, to meet someone who is really right for me and to lead the life that I was intended to lead (and maybe if the breakup hadn’t happened, I may have never led the life I was supposed to).

I know that getting married today was not what was intended for me. I’m not really close with my higher power, but I believe that things happen for a reason – and my relationship with my ex fiancée came to an end for a reason, and my higher power helped me see the light and the truth. And I think it’s more than just to give me a chance to find someone else that will love me better, treat me well and help me live happily ever after (happily ever after-ish, actually. Cause life is not a fairytale). I think this happened so I could reprioritize and take my life back. I have strengthened relationships that I didn’t even realize needed to be strengthened. I’m learning to stop being such a homebody and enjoy life again. I’m reading and watching much less TV (and no more of those brain draining wedding shows!). And I’m writing, a passion of mine that I all but forgot about. And perhaps most of all, I have learned that I am a survivor. This has not been easy, but here I am. I haven’t jumped off my second-floor balcony, gotten fired from my job, upped and moved to Canada because I just can’t handle my life and most of all, I haven’t gone back to my ex because I’m so desperately scared of the uncertainty of my future. And I’m having more and more days of no tears, lots of laughs and incredible people in my life. I’m extremely lucky.

So thank you to all of you for helping me through this journey. And guess what? Today is a celebration. I’m starting over. Thank God. And as much of a planner as I am, I’m pretty excited not to know what the future holds. I have a feeling it’s going to be remarkable.

23 Comments leave one →
  1. dawn permalink
    July 10, 2010 1:01 pm

    I’m not here to watch a train wreck but to let you know you are truly remarkable and the future does hold great things for you, I love you dearly!

  2. Kelly permalink
    July 10, 2010 1:08 pm

    Just wanted to say how proud I am of you and glad to be your friend.

  3. Aunt Patty permalink
    July 10, 2010 1:12 pm

    Even as a little girl, you have always been very strong and I know that although this has been hard, you will continue to be a strong, beautiful woman.. The journey’s we take in life may seem hard at times but when your heart is full of love for yourself and love for others, the hard journey’s become easier. I am very proud of you and all the things that make you who you are.

    We love you!

    P.S.. Uncle Stan said that you are a very smart women and that you will figure things out. I thought he was talking about the emotions of the day but he was referring to you being a liberal! He wants you to convert!

  4. Tom permalink
    July 10, 2010 1:12 pm

    I’m sure it’s not an easy day, but just to give you some levity, I’m emailing you the screen capture I got off your page. I hope you laugh like I did!

  5. Patrice permalink
    July 10, 2010 1:13 pm

    Congratulations! You ARE a survivor. I am so proud of you. This whole experience has made you stronger, more compassionate and heightened your consciousness in every way. What a gift! The result is that you have become an even more amazing woman. And you were pretty amazing before this latest growth opportunity. Love, PT

  6. Michael permalink
    July 10, 2010 1:59 pm

    I don’t think converting to the Republican party should be on your list. Too much drama in one year! Help from the higher power has already been rendered and is affecting you always. Just keep on accepting your gifts. You have many supporters! (All of the above is heartfelt, but reading each sentence sounds like a series of fortune cookie aphorisms. 🙂 Try it!)

  7. Melanie permalink
    July 10, 2010 2:06 pm

    Hang in there and have fun today celebrating the start of your new life. Cheers to you!! (PS – I finally stopped lurking!) 🙂

  8. Teya:) permalink
    July 10, 2010 2:45 pm

    Cat, your so talented! I know that this is an outlet for you but you are touching so many people with your story. As you stated everything happens for a reason and though we may not understand why we must always remember to learn from every experience. I am so proud of you and your strength is absolutely amazing. Love you girl and wish I could be with you on the day of your NEW BEGINNING!!!!!

  9. mike permalink
    July 10, 2010 3:09 pm

    After going through this, you can accomplish anything! Just look around and you will see all your friends and family right behind you. I see amazing thing for you in the future. Glad i got to meet such a great person!

  10. July 10, 2010 3:15 pm

    There are no Perfect words to comment except POSITIVE words of encourgement. Keep your head up and know we are all here for you.

    May each day bring happiness and blessings beyond your wildest expectations.
    Whether it be by reading, writing, working, hanging with family/friends or just being you. That is all you can ask for.
    PS. I hardly ever lurke LOL
    Stay Strong Everyday
    God Bless!

  11. Melanie permalink
    July 11, 2010 12:20 am

    Hang in there and enjoy celebrating the start of your new life. Cheers to you! (I actually stopped lurking…and then the first time I tried to post my comment, it didn’t work. I hope it works this time.) 🙂

  12. Tad permalink
    July 11, 2010 7:30 pm

    Im glad to see u made it through the day I told u I would read ad comment on your blog. I know u will go far in life no matter what is put in your path hope to see u again soon

  13. July 16, 2010 3:09 pm

    I just wanted to say thank you all for your kind words on this day. I can’t tell you how much reading your comments helped me get through what was a very hard day and a very hard time. I appreciate you all immensely!

  14. Sureen permalink
    May 15, 2012 9:51 pm

    This is a remarkable story, I also read your previous blog about believing in signs. I hope all women who go through similar situations are able to heal from it and become stronger. Thanks for sharing your courageous story.

  15. May 20, 2012 4:20 pm

    Great post. It’s awesome to read the strength in your words. I didn’t come to see a train wreck either. I was looking for the inspiration that I indeed got here from the post. I had read a few of your posts before coming to this one and already knew you are well equipped with grace and dignity. It’s good to read others’ experiences, that they got through the tough stuff and how they did.

    • May 26, 2012 11:24 pm

      Thank you so much, Laura. It’s nice to see that my old posts sometimes get traffic and people can maybe learn from my experiences. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

  16. katiejoyw permalink
    March 9, 2016 11:15 pm

    I’m so glad I found this. I just canceled my wedding, and it’s an emotional roller coaster. I don’t know how I’ll get through this time, but I find encouragement in this post.


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