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I Believe In Signs

October 1, 2010
plane, sunset, travel

Photo Courtesy of Laurence & Annie

If you asked me six months ago if I believed in signs, I don’t think I would have said yes. If you had asked me if there is some higher power guiding my decisions and my life, I probably would have said, “Sorta. But not really.” I feel like I have control over my fate, my destiny. My decisions are mine, my future is mine. I believe there is a God, but I don’t believe he worries himself with the day-to-day details of my life. But I’m here to tell you today, I believe in signs. And I believe in guidance.

Yesterday, my blog was featured on Freshly Pressed. If you don’t know what that is, it is a feature on the WordPress home page where an editor selects a handful of blogs each day to feature. Those blogs receive incredibly increased traffic and comments. Because of being Freshly Pressed yesterday, people who never would have stumbled upon my blog in the vast blogosphere were suddenly aware of my writing, my story. If only for a brief moment. All this is to say that being selected is a very big deal, to me anyway. And it’s been a goal of mine since I started the blog earlier this summer. A goal that seemed impossible to achieve. 

Before I go any further, I’d like to take a moment to welcome the new readers who have decided to stick around for a bit – it’s nice to meet you! I promise that I have some fun posts coming next week, and not all of my writing is as serious and emo as today’s and yesterday’s posts are/were!

I take the fact that my blog was Freshly Pressed yesterday as a sign – I don’t know if it’s from some higher power, but it means something significant to me. Because I had just on Tuesday stated to a group of 70 people at my company retreat that my personal goal for the next year is to cultivate my newly found passion for writing. I told them how I used to actually want to be a writer, imagine that, back in high school. I took creative writing classes and submitted poetry to competitions. And then I went to college and wrote term papers and essays. Then I went to work at a public relations agency, and I wrote press releases, brochures, PR/marketing plans and client e-mails. And then I cancelled my wedding just two and half months before the big day, and now I write stories, emotions, aspirations and fears. And suddenly, almost miraculously, I want to be a writer again. Yesterday’s Freshly Pressed recognition was like a little pat on the back from someone out there – you are on the right track. Keep writing. Keep believing in yourself.

I want to tell you about another sign that got me to where I am today. I’ve been wanting to tell this story for a while, but wasn’t sure how to approach it. But here it goes.

It was the end of April, and I was in full wedding planning mode. I was marrying the man of my dreams, the man I had spent countless years with, the man with whom I thought I was going to get pregnant, as early as on the honeymoon. I went to Fort Lauderdale on a trip for work. After my work was completed, I headed to the airport to catch my flight home to Richmond.

I was on time for said flight. In fact, I was an hour early. I went through security and was sitting in my gate, waiting for my flight to board. I remember a fellow passenger complimented me on my engagement ring, and we chatted a bit about my wedding preparations before she headed off to buy a snack. I sat there, excited to head home to my fiancée. I had missed him after our few days apart.

I missed my flight sitting in the terminal. I was not listening to headphones, I was not distracted. I did not fall asleep. Yet somehow, I missed my flight, when apparently the flight attendants repeatedly called my name over the loudspeaker. First call, final boarding, I missed it all. I sat there oblivious to my surroundings.

When I realized the flight should have left by now, I went to the front to ask one of the flight attendants what the problem was. She looked at me, awestruck. “Are you Catherine? We’ve been searching for you everywhere!” Unfortunately, there were no other flights to Richmond that day, so I had to head back to my hotel and wait for a flight the following day.

I arrived at my hotel around 3 p.m. and was overcome by an intense feeling of sadness. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I was miserable. I was embarrassed that I had missed my flight, but this was more than that. I slept the entire afternoon on the plush hotel room bed, desperately, unbelievably sad, but not knowing why.

I made the flight home the next day, and my ex fiancée and I went away for the weekend. And then I came home. And I found the first of his lies.

Before anyone asks, I’m not here to go into the intense and hurtful details of my breakup. That is in the past. What I will say is I found a lie that my ex told me, a lie that I would not have found if I had not been out of town that additional night. He had a good enough excuse behind this lie, but a part of me fundamentally didn’t believe it.

I slept in the extra bedroom that night and I prayed on it. And I don’t generally pray. I prayed to God that He would show me the way. Should I believe my fiancée? He had a reasonable excuse. I mean, I was marrying the man in less than three months. I was supposed to trust him completely. I certainly knew him well enough, it had been seven years. I didn’t think it was possible to know another human being more. Or, should I doubt him? I was incredibly torn and had a very restless night’s sleep.

The next morning, I awoke with a purpose. I called in sick to work and proceeded to discover a million lies my ex had told me – some big, some small. Some incredible deal breakers, lies that make you wonder who you’ve been sleeping next to for so many years, some that just make you say, “Why in the world would you lie to me about that? That’s so silly!”

At one point during the day, I caught an episode of Oprah on TV. That damn Oprah, she always gets to me. During this episode there was an expert that was talking about intuition. He said that humans are the only animals that ignore their intuition. We’re the only animals that explain away our common sense, ignore the feeling in our guts that says something is just not right. If a deer hears a noise in the bushes, he doesn’t run in to investigate. He goes the other way. Why don’t we, as humans, do this?

My gut, my intuition, every single part of me was screaming that my relationship with this man was no longer right. I could not stay here. I couldn’t even breathe here. The deal breakers were too much, the betrayals made me ill and the absolute depression and sadness I felt in that hotel room in Fort Lauderdale was just a precursor to the pain I would feel now.

My mom spent the night with me that night, listening to my sobs. I took that entire week off of work. I cancelled a wedding, and cried on the phone with almost every vendor. I learned that my friends and family are so much more amazing than I ever could have fathomed. And a few weeks later, I moved out, began to move on and started my journey.

And it all started with a missed flight in Fort Lauderdale. Some may say that it was a coincidence that I missed that flight and everything else happened, but I will tell you that my soul says I would be married today if I didn’t miss that flight. I might not have been married forever, this all had to come out sometime, but the timing was perfect.

So yes, I believe in signs. And I believe that I am on the right track. I am living the life I’m supposed to live now. I make mistakes. I am learning. I am confused. But I am gratified to have this second chance.

No, I do not plan on going into the details of what my ex fiancée did or what kinds of lies he told. I am working to forgive him, not so that we can be together, but so that I do not harbor ill will toward another human being. That doesn’t hurt anyone but me. That is my past, and I am looking forward.

I wanted to share this story with my old readers and new readers alike, because that’s what I’m doing here, sharing my story and my journey. But I also wanted to share this story because I want to remind anyone reading to listen to your intuition. Pay attention to signs. The universe tells us things, subtly sometimes, and it’s our job to take note.

Do you believe in signs? Have you had any moments where you just felt like someone was tapping you on the shoulder and telling you something? Did you listen?

103 Comments leave one →
  1. October 1, 2010 8:59 am

    Interesting…I beleive everything does happen the way it’s suppose to and whether it’s a higher power telling you something or your intuition telling you that something is off it all happens for whatever reason that may be. Sounds like you need to find the time and strength to forgive so you can forget before moving on. If you still find yourself thinking about the situation with your ex even in the littlest bit, then you’ll never be able to move forward, and I mean for yourself, not just in another relationship, but to be able to confident and happy with yourself first.

    I like your blog, really good post, and I hope everything works out for you 🙂


    • October 1, 2010 1:01 pm

      Hi John,
      Thanks for your comment. I am working on the forgiveness… I don’t harbor a lot of anger or anything, it doesn’t plague me, but it sneaks up every once in awhile. But I feel almost thankful for what has happened too, because I’ve learned so much about myself in the process.

      It’s great to meet you and I look forward to checking out your blog too – weekends are the time I do most of my reading 🙂

  2. October 1, 2010 9:43 am

    I’m so glad you were on Freshly Pressed because I’m really enjoying reading your blog.

    My wedding was called off just one week before the wedding! My ex lied to me, too, about lots of things.

    That’s interesting about humans ignoring their intuition. I need to start watching Oprah.

    • October 1, 2010 1:08 pm

      Thanks for your comment. You had to cancel one week before the wedding?! I can’t even imagine that. I’m sorry to hear you had to go through that, it must have been really hard. I’m glad to find another person out there, however, that has gone through something similar to what I’ve gone through. I’m sure I can learn a lot from your experience.

      And on Oprah – It’s embarassing to admit, but I’ve learned a lot of life lessons from that woman. LOL. Somehow, she or her guests always seem to say something that directly impacts my life. It’s strange. I wish her show wasn’t ending!!

  3. October 1, 2010 9:50 am

    First of all, congratulations on being freshly pressed! Secondly, my heart is broken for you but it is smart to listen to your intuition. I wish I had then my life would be so very different. It took me 10 years to stop being angry. Mostly I was mad at me for not reading the signs. Gals like you are an inspiration. Keep writing!

    • October 1, 2010 1:11 pm

      Thank you for the congrats! Yesterday was a very exciting day, for sure. Thanks for sharing your experience too – I have to admit, there have been times in my life that I’ve ignored my intuition, but I think I’ve learned my lesson. I don’t think you can be mad at yourself for not reading the signs, you just have to learn from the experience and be more aware in the future. And sometimes, the signs might all be there, but not even the most intuitive person will recognize them. Things just happen that way sometimes, unfortunately.

  4. October 1, 2010 10:13 am

    I’ve always firmly believed in intuition and “the gut feeling”. It’s led me to find out *interesting* facts about the men in my life. I’m just so glad you found out BEFORE the wedding and not after! What a serious disaster that would have been. I think this experience has really led to your exceptional personal growth. I’ve only *known* you for a short time, but I’m proud of you, lady! xoxo

    • October 1, 2010 1:14 pm

      Thanks, Amy… glad someone else really believes in the “gut feeling” we all have inside of us at different points in our lives. I too, am glad and feel incredibly lucky to have found out before the wedding and not after. I think this experience has fundamentally changed who I am as a person, for the better. Sometimes, I don’t even recognize myself anymore – but that’s OK. It’s all part of the process. Thanks so much for your comments (today and always) and I’m so excited to get to know you and experience my journey with you.

  5. October 1, 2010 10:31 am

    I do believe in signs, but I have a very hard time deciphering them. I used to attribute it to the leading of the Holy Spirit and the voice of God back in my evangelical church days. But now I would tell people to follow their heart and their heart’s leading.

    I’m kind of in the same place as you are right now as far as pursuing writing is concerned. I wanted to go into creative writing when I was getting out of high school but instead I chose to be “practical” and pursued a journalism degree. (Which I have and use now.) But the bug never left.

    This time I’m not going to reason it away. I’m going after it.

    I don’t know if I am supposed to finish graduate school (or even make it into graduate school) but I do know that I am supposed to be going in that direction right now.

    Here I go!

    You go too, girl!

    All my love,

    • October 1, 2010 1:32 pm

      I’m so happy that you are going after it. I truly think that you have a great talent and I kind of feel lucky to have met you at this point – I see big things for you in the future!

      As far as your “practical” decision to pursue journalism, I had a moment like that. I thought about majoring in English and becoming a writer. My dad went on and on about how there is no use for an English degree, and the odds of me becoming a writer that can actually make money doing it were slim to none. So I pushed that dream away. At this point in my life, however, I’m less concerned about the money (would be nice to make some money from writing, but it’s not a necessity for me) and more concerned about the feeling I have now that I am exploring this part of me again. I have found a passion for writing that I haven’t had for anything in a really long time. I don’t know where it’s headed, or what the end goal is, but I’m ready to enjoy it and really make it a priority. Similar to you. So I say cheers to us for making that leap :).

  6. October 1, 2010 10:34 am

    Hello, I too am following you after being Freshly Pressed. You go, girl. I’ll keep this short, as I know you will be getting many comments!

    It is women like you, who stand up for themselves when they’re being lied to, who say when they’ve had enough, that give others inspiration. So many women aren’t strong enough to do what you did. I’m so happy for you, and proud of you even though I do not know you. Thanks for sharing, I look forward to future posts!

    • October 1, 2010 1:20 pm

      Hi Brittany,

      Thanks for sticking around! I appreciate your kind words. They mean so much to me. And it makes me feel amazing the possibility that I might inspire just one person to take control of their life and say “Absolutely not. I will not take this crap. I deserve better.” I want everyone to realize their worth, and not accept sub par.

      Thanks for your comment! Can’t wait to check out your blog this weekend (it’s the only time I get a chance to do my reading!!).

  7. October 1, 2010 10:45 am

    I am convinced that my intuition has saved my life many times. I am constantly asking the Universe for a sign. I am always better off when I listen. Good job on listening and watching for the signs. The one about embracing your writing is definitely leading you down the right path. Good for you! -SG

    • October 1, 2010 1:21 pm

      I think we are all better off if we just listen to our intuition and pay attention to the signs we are given (they are like little gifts). I’m glad that you seem to have harnessed this skill. Thanks for your comment!

      • October 5, 2011 3:53 am

        Carl Jung called it Synchronicity and it’s definitely out there, working in all our lives. We just have to pay attention. “To illustrate synchronicity, Jung tells of a scarabaeid beetle appearing and tapping at the window of his office, as a patient revealed to him a dream of being given a gold scarab jewel. The patient, an overly rational woman, had made little progress in therapy until that point. She was, as Jung described her, psychologically inaccessible. Jung opened the window, grasped the beetle and showed it to the patient. The event’s synchronicity, the connection between her psyche and the materialization of the beetle, awakened the woman to her undifferentiated feeling side—punctured the desired hole in her rationalism and broke the ice of her intellectual resistance.” – Jane R. McGoldrick, from Silver Spring, MD., is a Clinical Psychologist.

        • October 8, 2011 11:56 pm

          Interesting story – thanks for sharing it.

  8. October 1, 2010 11:57 am

    Catherine, wow, I have so much to say. First of all, congrats on getting FRESHLY PRESSED yesterday! Gizzy & I were so excited for you…and also jealous.

    Today’s post brought me to tears. Remember the disgusting trashy cheating bastard ex I mention? He cheated on me, too, hence the name. I have nothing to prove it, but I just know he did.

    And I ignored my intuition for years. My head told me he was lying and unfaithful. But my heart, oh my silly heart, I wanted to believe he loved me and only me. But I had to learn it on my own. It didn’t matter what anyone said.

    I do believe in signs. It’s weird to look back at your life and see how things link together, with a purpose. I am sorry this had to happen to you, but I truly believe you are a better person for it.


    • October 1, 2010 1:26 pm

      Hi Lucky!
      Thanks for writing! I need to catch up on your blog this weekend! I’ve been curious as to what’s been happening in both your lives :).

      Disgusting trashy cheating bastard is a fool for cheating on you. And I totally know what you mean by knowing it, but not having evidence. I definitely think that was your intuition telling you the truth. The thing is, we are a fact-driven society. It’s so hard to just trust an instinct, a feeling, when you have no evidence. We have “innocent until proven guilty” drilled into our subconcious. But I say, BS. Ignore all of that. Trust your heart, trust your inituition. Listen to it and let it inform your decisions.

      I agree, it is interesting to look back and see how everything fits together, like a puzzle. Things happen and they feel so random, but ten years down the road it all comes together. Most of the time anyway. What I struggle with is just believing in the course my life is taking, and trusting all will be OK. It’s definitely a process.

      You too, are better off without someone who doesn’t value enough to treat you with the respect, honesty and love you deserve. And I know you this will all come together for you in the future.

  9. October 1, 2010 1:39 pm

    Goosebumps. 🙂

    And probably the same reason I’m looking out my “office” window at a volcano in Costa Rica instead of home in my gray cubicle at an Army installation right now. I’m not sure *why* I listened to my intuition, but so far I’m happy with where it’s taken me.

    • October 2, 2010 6:19 pm

      Hi Katie,
      Wow, I can’t imagine a view like that. My office looks out to a not-so-busy street, but one of the worst intersections for accidents in the city. So my view generally consists of wondering if the screeching tires will be an accident or just a near miss, if I will need to call 911 today for some stranger on the street of if I can get back to my normal work. Haha! I just had a moment to glance at your and Erin’s blog – amazing! Love the concept. And you guys share some beautiful pictures. I can’t wait to read more.

  10. Beata permalink
    October 1, 2010 1:46 pm

    As one of the new readers, I’m really glad I joined. I look forward to seeing you keep growing in your journey.

    And it’s really inspiring to me to see you doing so well, and having such positive goals. Reminds me that other people have been betrayed too, and it’s possible for them to forgive. (Or at least want to.)

    • October 2, 2010 6:23 pm

      Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. I’m happy to have you here as well :). I think that almost everyone gets betrayed at some point in their life, and the real test is how they deal with it. So many people think I should hate my ex, but I don’t. I wanted to, I really did, at first. Get too much wine in me, and some of those old feelings bubble up sometimes (but I’m an extremely emotional drinker, lol). But I love the person he was, I love the things we did together and the times we shared. I don’t hate him, I just don’t like who he was and what he did to me in the end. But part of me wants to thank him a little, because without his actions, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I hope he’s happy … I just hope he learns to be a more honest, dedicated partner next time. I always feel like I can’t own what he did to me – he did it. It’s not my fault. But I can own my reactions to what he did, I can own my forgiveness, and I can own whether I become bitter or better because of it. Thanks for your comment.

  11. October 1, 2010 2:15 pm

    I try not to believe in signs, but they keep presenting themselves to me. Signs are stubborn that way.

    Some examples:

    1) When my husband and I were first dating, I attended an annual party his fraternity threw out on a farm at the tail end of every school year. He was playing horseshoes with his friends, and I thought, “If he hooks that horseshoe around a pole this time, it’s a sign I should marry this guy.” Two seconds later, he hooked it. Silly, right? Obviously, that’s not why I married him. But still, why did I choose to ask myself that question at that exact moment?

    2) The very day I decided to quit my blog, I wrote and published what I decided would be my last entry–and then it was Freshly Pressed. A few weeks later, I again wrote and published what I thought would be my last entry, and I was Freshly Pressed for the second time! I’m not saying I’m meant to be some great writer. I guess what I’m saying is that I wonder if I’m meant to keep writing to help myself figure things out.

    Congrats again on being Freshly Pressed. Keep at it, I’m sure this won’t be your last blog-realted recognition.

    • October 2, 2010 6:30 pm

      Love these stories that you shared! I think our subconcious knows more than we give it credit for, and we really need to trust it more of the time.

      I think it’s really funny about Freshly Pressed – I wonder if Joy, the editor, is some kind of psychic or has some kind of mystical powers. She was able to pick you two times when you had doubts and were going to stop blogging. She picked my blog at exactly the right time too … I really needed the reinforcement and encouragement. It’s funny, I pressed publish and went and took a shower and had a weird feeling about that blog post. It felt different to me, I even felt like I wrote slightly differently. I told Chef I’d put up a post about him (he swears he doesn’t read, lol), and he asked me to describe it, and I literally couldn’t. I was like “this one is just different. I can’t explain it. You’ll have to read it, if you want.” Then, as I was driving to work, I got the messages about being Freshly Pressed. It was crazy – part of me knew this post was different.

      Anyway, I truly hope you keep at your blog too – I really enjoy your stories and I think it’s such a fun and unique concept.

  12. Steph permalink
    October 1, 2010 2:23 pm

    So last night I was in a funk and missing my ex. It’s been about 7 months since we broke up. Since then I have moved, gotten a new job, tried to move on and then eventually start dating. I didn’t know how to start again after being in such a long relationship. So what do you know, I joined Plenty of Fish! Your stories make me laugh because when I tell friends about the dates I have been on with guys from that site, they tell me I must be making these people up! It’s crazy! I have been on some of the most bizarre dates in the past few months. Having only been in a few serious relationships, the whole casual-dating idea totally confuses me! I really wish there was a rule book out there that told everyone the guidelines, what to not take personal, a time-line of how this casual “relationship” (or whatever you want to call it)should go- how long should it last, when is acceptable time for major milestones, how many casual “relationships” can you have without unfairly being identified as “getting around” or a player? For those of us who have been in serious relationships, what is forbidden in casual dating? How much sharing is too much sharing? I feel like I can relate to you in being an open-book and sometimes risk over sharing.

    Anyway, I am taking up too much of your page here. I just wanted to say I found your blog on the freshly pressed page (congrats by the way) and stayed up the whole night reading from the beginning. I was astounded at how much I could relate to what you are going through. It was almost creepy, as if someone had been in my head! So, thanks for giving people someone to relate to. Keep it up! You are an excellent writer! Seriously, you need to turn this into a book.

    • October 2, 2010 6:40 pm

      Hi Steph,
      Sorry to hear about missing your ex. I feel exactly what you are saying about not understanding the concept of casual dating. My mind is always in forever mode – that’s where it’s been for years. It’s hard to pull my brain out of that place and be more casual. The thing is, I’m not casual about ANYTHING in my life. My coworkers make fun of me and say “Be Casual Catherine” because they know that part of me just doesn’t exist. I am not laid back, I am not go-with-the-flow. I am serious (but I can be fun), I do things with intention and I agonize over my decisions. All decisions, even what to get for dinner or what toilet paper to buy (which, to be fair, I think is a pretty damn big decision!). 🙂 So casually dating is really hard for me. I have a post coming up that references some of that.

      Plenty of Fish – OMG. That site is like 99% crazy. But it really helps you get out there… and the more bad dates you experience, the less intimidating they are, I think. Because you already had “worst date ever” or “crazy guy who did X.” What could be worse? You know what I mean? And I think a rule book would be GENIUS. As far as “what to take personal,” apparantly the answer to that is NOTHING in casual dating. You can’t take anything personally. Which is a problem, since I take EVERYTHING personally. LOL. But I hear what you are saying as far as timelines… I even googled several times, trying to find out how long should you “date” before you become committed, monogomous. I could hardly find any results – all the results were how long you should date before you get engaged, before you get married, how long you should date before you have sex (prevailing answer: 8-10 dates. LOL).

      Anyway, Steph, I’m glad you find my page too. I really apprecate your comment and your reading. I’m glad that you could relate, and it feels good to me to know there is someone else out there experiencing many of the same things I am! I can’t wait to hear more about your journey as well.

      • October 6, 2010 6:41 pm

        Hahah! Actually, if you’re in the market for dating sites, I’d recommend I met a lot of great guys on there when I was single. (Mostly sane). When one of my best friends started looking to date in Minneapolis, she got on PlentyofFish at first too, but I converted her to OKCupid, and despite her initial skepticism (and the work it takes to thoroughly complete your profile), she said I was right about it in the end!

        • October 6, 2010 7:59 pm

          Thanks for the advice! Not on the market this second (told Chef I would stop online dating, booooo…. it’s so FUN! lol) but I did intend to try OKCupid. I signed up but then didn’t feel like putting my profile together. But I appreciate the advice, good to know.

  13. October 1, 2010 2:49 pm

    First of all: Congratulations, Catherine!
    Secondly, I absolutely 100% believe in signs. I have had so many I don’t know where to start. Songs on the radio, the number 33, interruptions protecting me from bad situations… and I am trying to rein in my intuition because it’s uncanny. I even know who it is when my phone rings. Or I’ll get a feeling that I shouldn’t go to the gym but go anyway and find out that my lesson was cancelled.

    Anyway, my point is: LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT! You’ll be shocked by how accurate it is.

    You are obviously dealing/ have dealt with the break-up with grace and dignity and I hope 2011 is a much sunnier one for you!

    • October 2, 2010 6:44 pm

      Thank you, Alexia! That’s crazy – you certainly have had more signs than I have in my life. I wonder if you just know how to see them better? I’m trying to do a better job of listening to my instincts, listening to my intuition, and learning from them both. I think it’s my nature (human nature, actually), to push down those feelings and charge ahead. I’m so happy I didn’t in the story I told you all about here, and I’ve certainly learned a lesson.

      Thanks, I hope 2011 is much better too! Hell, I wish the rest of 2010 is good too – will probably be hard with the holidays and all, but I’ll survive.
      Appreciate you reading/commenting. Keep listening to your instincts – seems to have served you well!

  14. Matt permalink
    October 1, 2010 3:46 pm

    I’m sorry to hear about the painful details you’ve shared with us – I must admit I’ve been curious to hear more of the story but I’m sad now to read it.

    I think you’re a great writer and I hope that your wonderful blog writing leads on to further fulfillment of this part of you. I’m glad to be following your journey!

    • October 2, 2010 6:51 pm

      Hey Matt. Thanks for saying such nice things, and I’m sorry if my post was sort of a downer. I know there has been a lot of curiousity, I’ve gotten a handful of emails from people who found my blog asking me what happened, why we cancelled the wedding, etc. I just was never really ready to go into it. I’m just so fearful of hurting my ex, although he hurt me deeply, no part of me wants to use this blog as a weapon to get back at him or make him look bad. At the end, he knew he was wrong. He took full ownership. He has apologized, he feels terribly, and he did his part to help me move on – paid for the wedding costs, helped me move out, has given me the space I need to breathe again. After being Freshly Pressed on Thursday, I was trying to think of what kind of post I could write for Friday. And this is what I just knew I wanted to write. I’ve wanted to write it for a long time (I have a list of topics in a memo on my phone, and this one I wrote “Signs- Fort Lauderdale trip” and it sort of haunted me, sitting on the list, unwritten), but didn’t know how or if I should. I’m happy I put it out there, so now I can move on. You know?

  15. October 1, 2010 4:31 pm

    Signs, intuition, and gut feelings; I believe in them, yes.

    Thank you for sharing even though it holds painful memories looking at your life presently and seeing how much you’ve gained from “a loss” there’s something greater out there… guiding the universe and its inhabitants.

    I know things happen for a reason and in my situation I wouldn’t have been able to go to the few places I’ve visited already because I’m single.

    • October 2, 2010 7:07 pm

      Thank you for your comment! I agree, there is something greater out there. I don’t know what the right words are to define what it is, but I can feel it. I hope it shares my path with me more frequently, actually. I would welcome more signs in my life.
      I am loving your blog by the way – great concept. I love all the pictures you share. Just added to my faves!

      • October 4, 2010 1:08 am

        Aw thanks! I love your blog, as well! I am following! 🙂

  16. October 1, 2010 6:05 pm

    Another beautiful piece Catherine, I admire your candour.

    As I see it in terms of signs, in a universe where everything is intrinsically not just connected but part of the same essential fabric, it is natural that what takes place externally should reflect, have a synchronicity and correspondence with what is happening internally, in the way that ripples on the surface of a calm pond belie the unseen frantic activity beneath.

    Sometimes we take more notice of Billboards than more subtle communication, and sometimes when we are not in touch with our subconscious, our intuition and instincts, they find another way to communicate with our conscious mind, especially when we are not listening because we think we may not like what we hear.

    For every question consider asking it twice, once with your head and once with your heart, and where there is conflict go with the latter; the heart is rarely wrong.


    • October 2, 2010 6:10 pm

      Thank you very much, Axx. This was a hard post to put out into the world, because I in no way want to demonize or speak ill of my ex. I want to tell the story the way I know it. I want people to understand how I got where I am today, not at the expense of another person, but at face value. I loved what you said … it’s like a quote from a very wise philosopher, a quote that should be famous and on day calendars everywhere :). “For every question consider asking it twice, once with your head and once with your heart, and where there is conflict go with the latter; the heart is rarely wrong.” Love that.

  17. zana4 permalink
    October 1, 2010 8:34 pm

    It’s important to follow your gut it is trying to tell you something that hasn’t clicked in your consciousness. I believe in always following your heart.

  18. October 1, 2010 9:02 pm

    I definitely believe in intuition. I rely on it moreso than some would say is wise or right. I’m very rarely let down by that tickly emotion that tugs at the insides though. I’ve been spared much head/heartache and granted many an opportunity because of it.

    Your story is inspirational. Your talent for writing completely evident. I’m hooked. Thanks, now I’ve got a new addiction… I warned you about that! 🙂

    Ironically enough, I just posted about how sadness is okay and sometimes even vital to move from phase a to phase b and so on…resilient women, beautiful women of strength, know how to spend their time in necessary moments of silence.

    Can’t wait to hear more!

    • October 2, 2010 7:24 pm

      I’m glad you have the ability to listen to your intuition. I think some people are more blessed than others in this gift. I’m trying to listen more … it’s hard, when my brain usually overrules my heart, but I am making a conscious effort every day to listen to what the universe (or God, or whatever) is trying to tell me
      Haha, I’m sorry about the addiction. But I appreciate it greatly! 🙂

      I just read your post on sadness, and I loved the honesty and the candor. My favorite line was “Just as this sadness speaks life to my future, it breathes healing to my past.” Very beautiful!

  19. October 1, 2010 11:35 pm

    You know, you are a damn good writer. I really like the way you write. Your honesty and candor are very engaging.

    It seems like you’re doing well at forgiving your ex. The fact that you don’t want to spread bad stories about him, and the way you feel in sharing your story, to me prove that you’ve done most of the work you needed to to forgive him. I think that’s great.

    Congratulations on being freshly pressed. You really are a great writer.

    • October 2, 2010 7:20 pm

      Hi Asha,

      Wow, I can’t say thank you enough for your compliments. It’s nice to hear that someone enjoys my writing, and my style. I really appreciate it. Forgiveness is so hard to achieve, it’s a daily ongoing effort, but it’s something I really want to take on. I really believe that the ability to forgive defines one’s strength as an individual. So I’m trying. I struggle at times, but it’s worth the struggle.

      Thanks for your comment.

  20. Patrice Tanaka permalink
    October 2, 2010 12:35 am

    Catherine, just when I wonder how you can top your last blog post you do it again! You are simply AMAZING! I am in awe of the woman and person you are becoming. You were already perfect and now you’re even more perfect! Yes, I totally believe in “signs” and listening to/following our intuition. I also believe in the power of whatcanbe. I wanted everyone at our Retreat to “state” their personal and professional whatcanbe dreams because I know how powerful it can be in setting and manifesting an “intention.” It also gives the Universe a big “heads up” as to what it is we really want to make happen in our lives. So, I am TOTALLY NOT surprised that your blog post was featured in Freshly Pressed. That’s the power of embracing and living whatcanbe! I am so happy for you. Love, PT

    • October 2, 2010 7:17 pm

      Thank you so much… you have been such an inspiration on my journey, and I meant what I said at the retreat about how much you’ve helped me throughout this process. I seriously cannot thank you enough. And you are right, and I’ve never really believed it exactly but I’m a believer now, you have to put out into the universe your “intention” for it to happen. I think it’s uncanny the way I said those words at the retreat, and I really believe the universe listened. And I think you are right, that is the power of whatcanbe. I look forward to us being able to embrace it in our personal AND professional lives.

  21. October 2, 2010 12:51 am

    I love this post. It’s funny, I was planning on posting something on my page that circled around the same topic. I guess great minds think alike. I think you should continue posting until you’re heart is content, you are an amazing writer. I always feel like I’m walking in the shoes of your stories. I think mostly because I can relate so well. Well not the once married called it off part but the whirl-wind of emotions; I’m feeling them with you. I’m a fan of your blog for life 🙂

    • October 2, 2010 7:14 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words – means so much to me. I will keep posting, as long as I have the words and the stories inside me to tell. And eventually, I’ll be ready to take the leap and write a book of some form – I want it, I can feel that’s definitely something on my “bucket list,” but I’m not ready just yet. I’m not sure what story to tell. But it’ll happen!

      I’m so glad that you can relate to what I’m writing about, and it’s certainly nice to know I’m not the only one out there struggling (but also enjoying) the whirl-wind of emotions. I can’t wait to check out your blog – that’s on my list of things to do tonight. Nice, long, Saturday night alone. I have pizza and a lot of new blogs to read. I’m very excited 🙂

  22. October 2, 2010 6:54 am

    I believe in signs, and that feeling when someone is tapping you on the shoulder, willing you to do something. For some reason, I always wanted to go to Australia. I didn’t know why, but I found a way. I went as an exchange student, and here, I met Aaron. I’ve been here for nearly 10 years now, Aaron and I are married, and we have a beautiful daughter. I can’t imagine (nor do I want to) what my life would be like if I ignored my random yearning for Australia and stayed home.

    P.S. I’m glad you were freshly pressed, you are a great writer and I’m enjoying your blog.

    • October 2, 2010 7:27 pm

      Wow, this is such an amazing story. I too, am happy that you listened that random yearning/nagging feeling that you wanted to go to Australia. Wow, what a testament to listening to signs and your intuition. I can’t wait to check out your blog to hear more of the story. Thanks for your comment and for reading.

  23. October 2, 2010 12:10 pm

    I’m a new reader, because of Freshly Pressed, and I feel like I’ve been sucked right in. Your honesty is refreshing, and your writing skills are superb. I’m also an aspiring writer shopping a novel around – I’ve wanted this for most of my life, and knock on virtual wood, it’ll happen!

    Interesting take on humans ignoring their intuition. I never thought of that before…but it’s absolutely true. Survival of the fittest? How’d we ever make it this far?

    • October 2, 2010 7:31 pm

      Welcome, I’m so glad to have met you and to have you reading! I really appreciate your kind words, they mean a lot to me. You are shopping a novel around? That is such an act of courage, I think! I’d love to hear more about it, and I’m heading over to your blog to read some of your writing. I wish you the best of luck with your novel, for me that is so intimidating but definitely a lifetime goal of mine as well. I’m sending positive energy your way that you find great success with your writing and your novel.

      Haha on survival of the fittest. I didn’t think of it that way, but seriously, how did we get this far? Maybe we used to listen to our intuition more (cavemen days) but we’ve been socialized not to. Maybe we’ve made up for that with other things – technology, etc. Who knows, maybe this lack of following our gut instincts will be our downfall? 🙂

  24. October 2, 2010 7:59 pm

    Of course, you were correct to trust your intuitions with your ex. But that may also depend on how you define “intuition.” In this case, I believe your intuition was simply your subconscious picking up the clues that you were blocking out and coming to a rational conclusion that your fiance was lying to you.

    If you’re talking about instincts and “gut feelings,” though, which is how many people seem to define “intuition,” then I think intution can be way overrated, and trusting it can lead to catastrophic mistakes in relationships.

    For the explanation, though, I´m going to direct you to my blog post that´s scheduled to publish this coming Monday….

    Yes, I know, that was a shameless self-plug. 😉

  25. October 3, 2010 8:47 pm

    I love reading your blog and it’s so exciting that you have been “Freshly Pressed.” If you have a moment, stop by my blog – I have just given your lovely blog a lovely blog award!

    • October 3, 2010 10:39 pm

      I just went over there – thank you so much! That means a lot to me 🙂

  26. October 3, 2010 9:12 pm

    I believe that everything that happens in your life, whether good or bad, was what you needed to have at that time, even if it would seem unfair, even if it would hurt you a lot. What is truly yours, what’s best for you, will always come next. 🙂

    About intuition, I’ve never thought of it that way, but it is amazing to finally realize that, yes, what you said is absolutely right and could apply to many of my “mistakes”, haha!

    • October 3, 2010 10:40 pm

      That’s an interesting way of looking at it. I’ve never thought of it that way, that everything, good or bad, was right and intended to happen. I do hope that the best comes next, however 🙂
      Thanks for your comment!

  27. October 3, 2010 11:03 pm

    My answer to your question… Sorry. I guess I’m a pessimist 😦

    Still, I’m glad things worked for you.

  28. morningtear permalink
    October 4, 2010 2:19 am

    Hehe, I definitely obsess over my stats quite often 😉

    And for the record, you write really well, you should definitely become an author!

  29. Janelle permalink
    October 4, 2010 4:24 am

    I believe in signs when I ask for it and hold onto it with all my heart. But most of the time, I try not to look for them because I end up thinking that a lack of sign is a sign. I become so desperate and stupid.

    I think intuition is different from signs.. And I do experience it so much. But then again, I’m more of someone who lives by the rule and by what is structured that I don’t follow my intuitions most of the time 😀

    • October 4, 2010 2:21 pm

      I know what you mean about looking for signs and getting frustrated by the lack of signs. I’m also someone who is very structured, very rule driven, but I’m learning that it’s almost dangerous (for me anyway) to ignore my gut instincts and intuition. I’ve learned this a little late in life, but better late than never!

  30. October 4, 2010 10:44 am

    I don’t call them signs but I do believe in and ask for promptings. The past week has been exhausting and full of tears and stress and depression and suicidal thoughts. So when you said, “And I believe that I am on the right track. I am living the life I’m supposed to live now. I make mistakes. I am learning. I am confused. But I am gratified to have this second chance”… I can totally relate.

    By the way… I *am* a professional writer and if writing is your passion, then move forward. You have an incredible style that allows your readers to FEEL as they read and become entranced in your story. By all means… follow your dream.

    • October 4, 2010 2:09 pm

      Hi there,
      I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough time this past week. I’m sending positive vibes your way that things will get better very soon. 🙂 And that’s a good point – I like to ask for promptings from the universe/God/something. And then try to be open to recognizing the prompts when they come through.

      Thanks so much for your kind words … it’s so nice to hear that from someone who is actually a professional writer. I really enjoy and respect your work. I’m spending the next few months figuring out where I want to go from here. I know for certain that writing is something I want to pursue, I just need to figure out in what capacity. What’s exciting is that I’ve at least made that discovery and stated my intentions, so I am excited about the possibilities.

  31. October 4, 2010 4:15 pm

    Congratulations on making Freshly Pressed. That is something my site could never achieve! I haven’t read the Freshly Pressed, Falling post but I will as soon as I’m done commenting. Have a great week.

  32. October 4, 2010 10:07 pm

    Hey girl! First and foremost, you are a captivating writer and I think you definitely are in the right place! Secondly, I was JUST writing on my FB Biz page about our “gut” feelings… How funny is that? LOL I then went directly to your blog and found your newest post. Signs? Yes, yes, and yes! I have lived my life believing, but the only signs I really heard were the loud ones. I have now learned to recognize and believe the quiet ones as well. Sometimes things will look “too good to be true” or will require some wait time for manifestation. This is where our true test of faith comes in. Not and easy thing to do sometimes, but I will tell you, our signs (when they are the real ones) are never wrong. 🙂
    PS This blog would make a great book! Your “realness” and captivating writing would speak to millions!

    • October 5, 2010 10:07 am

      Hi Kristen,
      Thanks so much for your kind words :). It is my life’s dream to write a book, so I can’t tell you how much that means to me!

      Haha, that’s funny. You are like the fifth person who told me they were on their way to write about signs, or talk about signs or they had just realized a huge sign in their life and that they actually believed in signs and then they saw my blog. Glad I could be of some kind of cosmic reinforcement! 🙂

      I think you make a good point – there are loud signs that you see 10,000 feet above the ground, but the quiet signs, the ones that are like little goosebumps on the back of your neck or little reminders of your path in life are the ones that we probably get the most, but also ignore the most.

  33. joeandharryabroad permalink
    October 5, 2010 8:01 am

    I’m glad being freshly pressed made you happy- I am certainly glad of it to find your blog and will be hanging around for more!

    I’m also glad you missed that flight, glad you found out all the things that would have come out one day, and better before a wedding that after. I wont say ‘better sooner rather than later’ as I believe you were with him for many years so I’d hardly call it soon. but soon enough.

    I hope you’re healing x

    • October 5, 2010 11:33 am

      Thanks so much for reading! I’m happy to meet you (umm, via the Internet. LOL).

      I too am glad I missed that flight, and I do feel very lucky it was before the wedding and not after. Thanks so much for NOT saying “better sooner rather than later” because I hear that all the time – and you are right on, I immediately think, really? This is sooner? Seven years is sooner? LOL. But, I guess it was soon enough because I don’t have a divorce behind me, I just have a cancelled wedding. Which I can live with.

  34. Chad permalink
    October 5, 2010 1:33 pm

    Best post yet

  35. eagle permalink
    October 5, 2010 2:49 pm

    mmm I thought you were a comic from the first post, now after this one I am not so sure !
    You express yourself with such honesty and integrity its a little edgy. I got my daughters birth certificate today, after about two years court procedure. The mom didnt say she was married at the time, and we spent one year together, i found out she was married with her husbands name on the birth certificate.

    I dont know why people lie, but its something which goes both ways. Sometimes its to deceive, sometimes its to hide from a previous hurt, sometimes its because its not that important in the big scheme of things. I dont buy any of that,
    I think if you love someone you’re honest and upfront from the start.

    Good luck on the journey, and keep up the writing !

    • October 5, 2010 6:29 pm

      LOL, sorry to confuse you. I try to be funny sometimes (I don’t always succeed) because I think things will get a little boring around here if I am always light-hearted. What I’m going through is often comical, but also often very serious and emotional. It’s a balance, I’m working to find. I hope you appreciate both sides.

      Thanks for sharing the story about your daughter’s birth certificate. That’s such a crazy thing to find out. I’m sorry that you were lied to in this way – it’s just not fair, and it’s just not right. But I guess everything in this world is not fair and right. Wish it was. I agree, however… without sounding too cliche or like a psychologist, the building blocks (and the foundation) of agood relationship is trust and honesty. I hope you’ve found that with someone else, or you will soon.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

  36. eagle permalink
    October 5, 2010 6:48 pm

    Fairness is not in the equation anymore. My theories have evolved to that life / god / whatever tickles you …. wants us to be godlike / Atlantean / superhuman. Therefore we are constantly challenged with crises in the areas which are lacking. Be they issues of trust, fidelity or even something as mundane as honesty. To strengthen those areas you are weak in.

    Now the only problem with this theory is that one only tends to know after the fact which areas are being tested.
    The other is that whats a crisis to one person is a normal routine day to the other.
    And finally can one persons actions trigger anothers response ….. and there we go into chaos theory and the great beyond.

    I also think the fallacy of the media is that it portrays us as having to be with someone to be complete. So when we are searching it actually serves the interests that be ( Insert your conspiracy theory here )

    Why are we not content where we are? Its not that much of an east meets west issue is it ?

    • October 5, 2010 9:30 pm

      I absolutely hate the idea that you need someone to complete you. That was the worst line of Jerry Maguire (while I loved the movie as a whole). I don’t feel like I must meet someone to fulfill my life or make me complete. Someone may complement me, but that’s about it. I like your theory though … something to think on. I remember Sylvia Brown had this whole thing about you mapping out your life, and everyone has one area that they need to learn about, and you map out what you will be challenged with before you are born. I can see the plausability (ish) of such a scenario. Not exactly sure what I believe myself though…

  37. October 6, 2010 2:33 pm

    I’m glad you were on freshly posted because that is how i found you. I feel that you have been though a lot and i find it inspiring to read somone who is older that is going through thinks that i have anxiety aobut. I’ll be reading.

    • October 6, 2010 7:55 pm

      Aww, thank you so much! Ha, it’s funny for someone to refer to me as “older.” I really am getting old, lol. I can’t wait to check out your blog too!

  38. September 27, 2011 3:57 pm

    Hi I just came across your blog because of Mikalee Byerman and am enjoying catching up on your posts. Man did I ignore signs! Mainly in my first serious relationship. I was young and hadn’t been in a lot of relationships. He was 12 yrs older so I automatically assumed he was mature. Wrong!!!! My first bad sign was on our third date. After only knowing him about two weeks he wanted me to meet his son. I didn’t have experience dating someone with a child, but it felt wrong. After that I learned he lied about his living situation. He didn’t own the first floor his moms house. She lived there. There were so many it’s hard to keep track. The other major sign that keeps haunting me was how I was miserable and would lock myself in the bathroom. I would cry and cry begging God for a sign if I should break up with him. I had sooooo many signs right in front of my face. I just didn’t want to leave my long term relationship. I was scared because I liked the things we did and my new friends. Who actually weren’t really MY friends as it turns out. It ended really bad and it was a rough few months, and it took a while to heal. I took my getting serious with a guy, but now I’m in a health stable with a wonderful guy.

    • October 4, 2011 8:26 pm

      Wow, thanks for sharing and welcome to Simply Solo! Glad you found your way over here. I’m sorry to hear all you went through – it’s funny, I think when we pray for a sign, isn’t that sign enough? I’m not sure people who are 100% happy pray for signs that they should stay with someone. Now – the fact he wanted to meet your son after 3 dates is CRAZY!! I listen to Dr. Jen Berman on Cosmo Radio and she always says that the very earliest you should meet the children is when you’ve made a decision to spend your lives together. Proposal, moving in together. Otherwise, you are just introducing your kids to mate after mate, basically teaching them that relationships don’t work out. You don’t want to set up your children for relationship issues of their own if you can help it!! Glad to hear you got out of that situation and are happy. It’s really good to hear. Congrats and thanks for reading!

  39. October 14, 2011 5:32 am

    aah, this really struck me deep. thank you for sharing such an emotional thing, in such a gracious way.
    will keep on reading your blog!
    greetings from south africa

    • October 18, 2011 9:53 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for stopping by 🙂

  40. May 20, 2012 3:56 pm

    Hi Catherine-
    I’ve just stumbled onto your blog. Lots of great stuff here…both content and style. I so love this subject. Intuition is really important and when we continually DON’T listen, our abilities to pick up on the signs of “something not quite right” diminish. And we need to keep it sharp to take care of ourselves. Of course you illustrated that quite well. Your post reminded me of all the signs I knew were there in my last “relationship” but I pushed them away. I knew if I admitted what I knew to myself I’d have no choice but to walk away. It was more important to the codependent in me to want to cling to something that I wanted to be there, but wasn’t.

    I found it so interesting that you became so heavily depressed before you knew anything intellectually. I admire your strength, I know from my own experience how painful a break can be, even when you know it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

    • May 26, 2012 11:26 pm

      Thanks Laura – I’m just now seeing your comments. Thank you for sharing your experiences with intuition as well. I’m trying my hardest to listen now, to be more in tune with myself. I also think it’s interesting how depressed I was that day. I really knew nothing but I was miserable in a way that I haven’t felt many times in my life. Very strange.
      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  41. Joya permalink
    December 5, 2012 5:01 pm

    Absolutely believe in intuition. My story is similar and forgiveness come in waves, I think, and sometimes the tide brings in new anger at old lies and I wait for it to take that pain back out to sea again. When I recently learned through FB that my ex was engaged to the woman he hid from me during the last year of our 10 year marriage, it all swept over me again. The week that I now know their affair began, he was away on business and I was home in a new house draped in the strangest sadness I’ve ever felt. I was planning to surprise him and fly out to meet him and instead all I could do was sit on the bedroom floor weeping uncontrollably. And I looked on FaceBook to try to write him a note to tell him I loved him and noticed he had deleted all of our photos together. I ignored it and wrote the note anyway, and he deleted that too. When he came home he gave me some song and dance about how he wanted to appear more professional, but I knew then, in my gut that everything had changed. That there was another, or hope of another. It took a while to dissolve us, but when he finally asked for a divorce, I knew exactly when the beginning of the end had started. I listen to that little voice in my head now. I’ve stopped telling her she’s crazy.

  42. Miranda permalink
    December 20, 2012 12:39 am

    I love this blogger SO much! & can say this was exactly my relationship to a T. It feels good knowing I am not the only one out there with this type of heartbreak and relationship.

  43. priya permalink
    April 25, 2013 7:53 am


    I really love your blog. Some of the stories and comments could really be related to my personal experience in life and relationship. I am 32, going thru a divorce with my husband, mom of 2 very young kids and recently fell madly in love with a wonderful guy. I was all alone and was going thru shit when this guy (a working coll from another country) came over to my office for a project of 3 months. We hardly spoke. He never really looked at me but on his last day here, we took him out for lunch. We chatted and shared a lot of light moments but I have no idea how miserable this guy gonna turn my life into!!

    And after he has left to HK, we forgot each other. Life continued as it is for the next 5 months till another colleague of mine have asked me to write to him to say hi. And I wrote to him and from then onwards, we got closer and wrote to each other everyday without fail. He called me from his office and spoke all the while. He was full of surprises. You wont believe how amazing was he. He took care of me as if I was his everything. He made sure I m always fine no matter what I do. He said that he once my divorce is over, he wants me to marry him and that he has already considered me as his better half!.

    Now comes the ‘regret’ part. During December 2012 he made a visit here to meet me. We met, and I knew that he is the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He loved my kids to the max. He loves me! And we both wanted to share ourselves and hence, made love. He left to HK then. After that, everything was going on so fine and our love grew stronger everyday. I was his everything and he was mine. Gave me so much of hopes and promises which sounded so true and sincere. My days were full of him, his thoughts, his songs, his pics…

    He made his 2nd visit here on FEb 2013 and we spent another week together. I felt that I was his wife and gave him everything. We spoke alot about our future together as husband and wife. That was so wonderful and we were so much in love. He left after that and everthing was so wonderful till early April where he was at China for work and started to ignore me.

    He spent less time for me. Less phone calls from him. Less messages. Hardly says that he love me or missing me. And that was the time my heart says that he wants to end this relationship with me. I confronted him but he said that it is just his shit job that he is so busy and cant do anything he wants. He has always been busy but never behaved this way. Then I confronted again and he said that he needs more time to think and settle down. His dad is not well and his mom needs him to be back to India and he may have to go there for good. He told me not to be dependent on him anymore (though he have been deciding everything for me earlier and said he wants to be in every bit of my life everyday).

    I crushed. Yet I wrote to him and thanked him for everthing he have done for me all these while and that I will not disturb him anymore. He replied that I got it all wrong and he will still be right here and will still be looking at me and that he just needed some time off and his family back home is having a nasty family fued over properties. He wrote that priority have changed for him and asked me to continue with my divorce as that is the priority for me right now. I have not wrote to him since that day (9/04/2013). Neither did he.

    For someone who was so caring and sweared that he can never live without me, I just didnt get it. I believe that if someone wants you truly, they will never let you go no matter what the situation is. So, here I m feeling so regretful coz of letting him into my life, loved him and shared myself completely with him. How can someone change so fast?? I m devastated and feeling so down and cheated…

  44. C G permalink
    March 26, 2014 11:40 am

    This blog is my sign. A sign that everything is how it should be. I had a very similar experience over the past month or so. I had a dream one night about going camping, and there were big, nasty, deadly snakes everywhere, falling from the trees, etc. Once I finally remembered to google it’s meaning, it all made so much sense. I also started praying (which I never do but I gave it a shot out of desperation). Once I asked ‘God’ to show me the way and give me the strength, I was able to tell my now-ex that enough was enough. No more lies. I kept praying, and things just unfolded. I knew in my gut for a long time that he wasn’t being honest with me, but I never knew how tangled of a web he was weaving. It pained me, but I was not wasting any more years on this guy who couldn’t be honest with me (I had already given him five). Now here I am after just a few weeks, thinking ‘maybe blogging about this will help me through it’, and I find your blog painting a very similar picture. The universe told me for a long time to break away, but my heart would not let me. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • March 29, 2014 11:09 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing.
      You deserve so much more and I’m glad to hear you are on the path to a better relationship. Blogging really helped me and I wish you the best of luck! There is a great community out there!

  45. Ccm permalink
    June 9, 2014 5:24 pm

    I guess most of the time we know there are signs that something is really out of place, but we choose to pretend we dont see it, when in fact it was in front of our very own eyes.thats what happened to me,my bf for four years, i found out during our second year together that he has been using another name, he is hiding his real identity from me, and my family.until last night when he broke up with me, i didnt tell him, i know his real name and that he is using another name to hide his real was there since day one, but i pretended i didnt see it.i just want to make him believe that i believe in his never ending lies.but thanks cathy, coz i just found out im not the only one, it gives me courage to forget everything about him.


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